Thursday, August 9, 2007

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal

There's a bit of darkness in all of us...

And this is my ode.. :)

To the Funion and his masculinity.



To Honorary Onion Theo and his nonsense.



To Bawang Merah and his royal gay-ness.



To Honorary Onion Roy and his future happiness.



To the Green Onion and his green-ness.



To the Bohonion and her hobo ways.



To the Mama Onion and her hyperactivity.



To Bunion?? (Sorry Kev forgot yours) and his ideologies.



To the Spunion and her quirky bluntness.


To Honorary Onion Jade and her morbid personality.





Without humor, life is just a big black hole in uranus. - Pikachew, 2007

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

All Hail The Fashion Gods!


The world (or at least most parts of Europe & North America) will once again be blessed with stylishly affordable, divinely gorgeous high fashion apparel at high street prices… in high street stores…

The folks at H&M are doing it again (milking in the money thanks to the big fashion names). Karl Largerfeld. Stella McCartney. Viktor&Rolf. Madonna. Kylie. And now…*drum-roll* please…. Roberto Cavalli

The king of maximalist sexually charged fashion (you’ve seen his best work on the likes of Teri Hatcher, Christina Aguilera, JLo, Shakira, Posh Spice on the red carpet…) will be working on a collaborative line for H&M this coming season.

I can just picture the collection: billowing chiffon evening gowns, silk baby dolls, fierce animal prints… its gonna be dangerously glamorous… need I say more?? …


[p/s wonder if God is a closet fashionista too… haha!]

Career Revival Plan for Tennis Pros 101


Since I have been labeled as the “resident fitness junkie” here’s a sports related rant:

So you’re a pro athlete (tennis player, to be exact). You’ve now hit the BIG 3-0 (that’s a bit over-the-hill for a tennis career, unless you’re Andre Agassi). You’ve had some notable success in the past (though not of the Roger Federer-esque proportions). And been seen in the company of some glamorous women (former sexploits include: Delta Goodrem, Paris Hilton).

My question: How hath the world wronged you, such that, you need to participate in a reality TV dating show for a bit of an ego trip? (*detect faint wisp of desperation in the air*)

Apparently, a respectable career of being a former Top 10 player/finalist at the US Open & Wimbledon/USD$7mil in career prize money… just ain’t good enough for Mark Philippousis (see not-the-most-flattering mug shot above, courtesy frm NBC). The dude’s trading his gym socks for a moonlighting job as the resident “jock-(heart)throb” on NBC’s new reality dating show “Age of Love”… [Call me a purist, but isn’t the whole idea of having “reality TV-jock-(heart)throb” next to your picture on the “Tennis Hall of Fame” somewhat mortifying?Then again potentially you could instead have a STAR on the Hollywood Walk-of-Fame…Hm, tough call…..*ponder*….]

I’m willing to admit, though, that the show’s premise is interesting enough – it pits 6 women in their 20s (“the Kittens”) against 7 women in their 30s/40s (“the Cougars” <- think Ellen Barkin from Ocean’s 13) who will all vie for affections of the tennis ace in this little social experiment. [Note: The “little social experiment” herein is defined as “….in the search for Love, does age really matter….?”].

Anyway, if anyone’s remotely interested you know where to check out the program, but my money’s on a blonde in her 20s. [the track record speaks for itself (Delta & Paris: blonde- check, kitten material-double check)].

Oh well, I suppose with a TV series in the works, that doesn’t leave much time to actually PLAY tennis, much less win a Grand Slam (I might as well go torch my Phlippousis authographed copy of the Wimbledon ’01 Program).

On a significantly lesser note… should Roger Federer ever decide to hang up his Nike dri-fit shorts to become a reality TV star… someone please give me a call!!!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Hallo!

I’m giving up hope that this week I will actually find someone donning Rihanna’s latest Vidal Sasson hairdo

Anyway, there are 2 things that annoy me:

Unanswered sms that u sent to your ex boyfriend even though you know beforehand that you didn’t ask a question for him to reply in the first place but u still hope he replied it anyway coz u know he’s single now and u thought it would be cute to send him a text message once in a while just for the sake of keeping in touch.



Hey, this new style nicely covers her forehead, don’t you think?

Die Rotzwiebel

On behalf of the Red Onion

Hallo!

What the world seriously needs at the moment is colors! Yes, we need colorful people, colorful landscapes, colorful moos) and colorful handbags (oh we need handbags! Can’t afford one in Starhill Gallery? Get the ones at Ikano Power Centre, cheaper but can do).

Anyway, imagine being somebody with a lot of energy and your friends comprise of:
  • A straight guy (Suessers, he’s so straight I swear I check out gurls when I’m around him)
  • A fitness junkie (apparently this one channels the energy to burn calories)
  • Another straight guy (he doesn’t mind going to a gym but he doens’t mind finishing a bucket of fried chicken by himself either)
  • A feminist + ‘I need a guy’ + ‘I’m hot’ + raging + sweet + reliable
  • And lastly, someone whom you could pick her clothes from the kids department….

Where was I? Oh, actually with these people are my friends, we hang out together, we chat, have excursions, someone would blame me for something, I would always be the different one…

Anyways, we’re colorful people and I love them for that...although, having a cat would also be nice. Are there enough colors here?

Die Rotzwiebel

Monday, June 18, 2007

The Onion Barnyard Wishlist...


[OK so we now have a blog..O-joy! So what's there to jabber about... Hm..*ponder*ponder*...*more pondering*......]

Well in typical Onion fashion, one of the most randomly talked about things are the pets that we want...

Here's the official onion barnyard wishlist...

  • Fainting Goats
  • Cats
  • The Flying dongkey-dragons from Shrek3

So my contribution to the list is a "spitting alpaca" (see pix of odd but hideously cute goat-like creature above...) Friend of mine sent me this pix after a trip to some zoo…

Alpacas are indigenous to the high altitude regions of South America (and some parts of NYC *smirk*!). Here’s the funniest thing that tickled me silly… their curious social graces which include the following... [courtesy of our good friends at wikipedia]

  • They tend to spit (like A LOT) and it comes out in some funkily foul projectile that contains air, saliva and sometimes a bit of ‘acidic stomach contents’
  • They have a communal dung pile. And get this - males have much tidier, and fewer dung piles than females (who tend to stand in a line and all go at once...ewww!!)
  • Oh... and they can live up to 20yrs... the worlds oldest alpaca "Vomiting Violet" (haha!!) lived to the ripe old age of 29yrs!
Is this randomly cute or what? ... I want MY OWN VOMITING VIOLET!!!

Sunday, June 17, 2007

How To Deal With An Office Jerk

Office life can have its ups and downs, but having to endure a jerk can make it miserable. Office jerks take on many forms, and thus require creative strategies for dealing with them.

Handling Six Common Types

The Loud Phone-Talker.
"Obviously the first step is to pull them aside quietly and ask them to lower their voice when using the phone," says Julie Jansen, a career coach, consultant, and trainer. "If this doesn't stop them, you could dish out the same treatment and stand near their cube on your cell phone and talk loudly. Or you can hold up a sign that says, 'Please turn volume down.'"

The Hang-Arounder.
When confronting the co-worker who chronically lingers to chat when you are trying to make a deadline -- a subtle jerk, but a jerk nonetheless -- try standing up when they enter your office or cube. "The unspoken message of your body language will clearly tell him or her to keep it brief and head for the door," says Ken Lloyd, author of "Jerks at Work: How to Deal With People Problems and Problem People."

The Idea Stealer.
There is a strong possibility that this jerk can't distinguish between a good idea and a bad one. "Somewhere along the way, slip in a really bad idea and let the jerk steal that," Lloyd says. However, beware that this might only encourage the jerk to become worse.

The Meeting Monopolizer.
Get creative. "Try eliminating the chairs and making it a standup meeting," Lloyd suggests. The monopolizer will likely get thrown off and won't have time to settle into the usual routine of unproductive dominance.

The Bully.
Remember, you're not in high school anymore. "Hold your ground and refuse to be bullied," says Steve Piazzale, a career and life coach who runs BayAreaCareerCoach.com. "They'll usually back off over time."

The Boss.
Sometimes dealing with a jerk should not be your problem, particularly if you have a manager who is a jerk. In this case you might take a look around the company and notice several jerks. "This may be part of the company culture," Piazzale says. "In which case get out!"

More General Coping Strategies

Passive. Avoidance is the most obvious solution if you don't want a confrontation with any type of office jerk. "You can go to your boss and ask him to intervene," says Jansen. Or, if things are really unbearable, you could ask to be relocated to another part of the office.

Active. Avoidance can backfire if the jerk continues the annoying behavior. Try talking to the person. "Difficult people don't always know they're being difficult," Jansen says. "People generally don't have a very high level of self-awareness, so specific and constructive feedback is important."

If you must confront a jerk, it is wise to take the high road. Career coach Piazzale says, "Try to understand where the behavior is coming from, and tailor your response to that."

Prelude

First!!! Hahahahha...

Guys, once u guys get in here, pls feel free to put up links, pictures, video feeds, whatever u wanna do, coz it's the official onion blog now..

And most importantly, because we're part of the onion, each one of us are entitled to write rubbish in here as we see fit. So your contribution is priceless.

I have left a lot of stuff empty, like descriptions and stuff, we can all come up with a concept together yea?

Love love,

HoBoNion.

;)